2006 - 2007

T-minus 2 plus hours and counting, and in cliche fashion I'm sitting at the monitor, considering this past year and the next. These arbitrary sand-lines always seem odd to me. Will I really feel different at 12:00, when it's suddenly "2007"?

Still, being one who is given to linear-rational methods of thinking, these clean breaks help me gather myself and gauge my direction (or lack thereof).

Some free-form thoughts about 2006 and 2007 to come...

2006

Gap between 2 front teeth, cheeks puffed, eyes squinted and I can't get enough. Rising and falling on my chest to the slowing, mellowing breaths and droning hum. Baby baby boy, boy boy baby! My knees are tired, but I dare not stop...I don't want to stop.

You made me remember who I wanted to be, but it’s still in fleeting, misty fog. Through sun-breaks now and again I’m hit in the face with self loathing and remorse. I know who I’m not almost as well as who I am, but why is it so hard to reverse the two? When did I let myself get chained and when will I let myself be free? The vision of the other man haunts me. Does he lift me up or is he just taunting me? I have to know who he is. I have to know who he is! One day you’ll be him or me, but he’s so far away and I feel I’m on borrowed time. He’s waiting for me to meet him.

But I’m a dichotomy and I’m dragged through the details. Self-reliant, just wanting to fall into trust. Guarded, looking to connect. Selfish, driven by generosity. Lazy, energized by activity. Carefree, obsessed. Relaxed, on-edge.

Ahh, but that’s just too deep and we won’t go there. We know how the game works and it would be too dangerous to change the rules. Stick to the norms and enjoy the ride. The dirty little secret? We all want a little more, and it’s the same “more” we’re after. We just can’t let each other know for fear of …

But there are more mountains than valleys and it’s time to remember those.

So I’ll close my eyes, because you’re there. Your eyes bend the corner of my cheek. I know you don’t realize your complexion is identical to the color of grace. It’s purity and grace that clothe you and I still don’t know how it is that I belong next to beauty like yours. What bravery! Push! Pride swelling, heart melting, bumps tingling. The everyday knot in my throat feels so emotional, and I can’t figure out how to show it. It rests there but I know you see it sometimes. The words fail me and sometimes I fail the actions, but the knot never goes away. I only hope you know what I mean. I just wish I were better.

You remind me again who it is that I’m supposed to be. Love is a constant reminder. I have a family to love, 2007 is nearing. I now resolve this for 2007…to meet a man.

Crossing my fingers (and toes, and legs, and eyes, and...)

Ran 4.2 miles yesterday without pain. My leg still aches frequently but it may not be directly related to running. Running itself doesn't hurt.

Of course I'm also getting up early every morning to do a half hour of stretching and icing, doing another half hour of stretching and icing at night, icing before I run, and going to physical therapy once or twice a week.

I told Sarah...if it gets me running, it's worth it!

I tend to jump ahead of myself in running too. I've run a grand total of 11 miles since I've started my therapy and already I'm thinking about whether I can start really training enough to be ready for a half-marathon next May.

It's nothing compared to the ultra-marathons I hope to do someday, but it's light years ahead of wondering whether I'd ever run again.

Keep praying for me!

My brain is running already

I always know when I'm obsessing about running when the dreams start. They always involve me being back in a race or hard work-out and being nervous since I haven't been running in a while (see previous posts about my injuries).

Then in the dream I find out Im actually in pretty good shape and do really well. These dreams also usually include my high-school and college teammates running with me. The last two nights were no different. First I was running a trail ultra-marathon (anything 30 miles and up) with high-school teammates and I dominated, winning the race. Then last night I dreamt I was in a really tough hill workout with h.s. teammates again.

I still have daily pain in the leg, but the physical therapist has me trying running a little. It doesn't seem to be the act of running that hurts, so that might be a good sign. I've been surprised to find how excited I am just to get to run 2 or 3 milers (when I've done more than 33).

It's true what they say..."you don't know what you've got until it's gone". I want to run so passionately I'm not even sure I could describe it...

That's a sa-picy Cookie!

***editor's note. Several folks have commented that I need to explain one piece of this story. (for those who have read the story, the chocolate chips were in the same cupboard as the paprika, thus they were themselves "paprika chocolate chips").

Now that we are so richly blessed with Ethan in our lives, Sarah and I try a little harder to connect from time to time.

Tonight we decided to make some home-made cookies. Sarah found a recipe on-line and we gave it a go. Ooey gooey chocolate chip goodness or something like that...

We realized we didn't have quite enough chocolate chips, and didn't have any desire to miss out on the ooey or the gooey. Really, can you get enough of either?

Sarah remembered we had some old chips in the cupboard. I call this the baking cupboard (I'm not claiming to be clever, so just go with it). We have sugar, corn-starch, flour, baking powder (not to be confused with baking soda I've learned!).

(I realize Jim and Mike are already chuckling at my classic overtelling of this story, so let's move it forward). To give the full effect of our experience I should also share that the baking cupboard contains our collection of spices in addition to the ingredients mentioned before.

After Sarah stirred in the chocolate chips I helped myself to a finger of dough (with a chip or two of course!) This was followed by me tasting my own after-bite breath, another of Sarah's favorite habits of mine, though another word might be "quirk". I ascertain the ingredient list to a recently chewed item, by "tasting" my breath. You can make fun of me later. "Uh-oh, baby" I said. "I think the chips taste like chili powder!"

We decided I might just be a little crazy and we cooked the cookies. (Who ever made up that name anyway? Couldn't they have been more clever than to say..."we cook them, let's call them cookies"?)

After I pulled the warm cookies from the oven Sarah and I took a big whiff and let out a big sigh. There was a definite pungency to the kitchen. I dug around the spices and we discovered the culprit...Paprika in a baggy. All the other spices are in hard containers (let this be a lesson to you!)

Now you'd think we would throw the cookies away. You'd be wrong! We were set on having some cookies, paprika be darned!

So we got milk and a few cookies , brought them upstairs and popped in a DVD. We giggled with each ooey, gooey, chocolaty, paprika-y, bite. We were tempted to be bummed when we realized we'd have to throw out a bowl of dough from the fridge, but then we realized we got exactly what we wanted out of the experience...

We laughed. We spent time together. We enjoyed each-other's company. We made a memory.

I'd like to say we discovered the secret recipe that will take the world by storm. Let's just settle on "We made a memory" and call it good.

Great Pics Uncle Mike!

Thanks to Mike for some great pics...

A boy and his dog

See bottom for the pic related to the title. In the meantime, here are a few fun pics Sarah took Monday in the back-yard





What, we're lounging...just pass the chips will ya?

I will run run run, I will run run

Update in the ongoing effort to become a runner again...

So far I've tried stretching, icing, and anti-inflammatories. I've worked with the chiropractor, a masseuse, an orthopedic specialist (who had me get an MRI and try orthotics), and now have begun working with a physical therapist (sorry, Trent, should have probably gone this route earlier).

The PT thinks my problems might be more related to my back than my hip, so I need to work on posture for the next week as well as do some back arching exercises. Then we'll work on the hip and buttocks (which both ache all the time.)

15 months of pain in my leg and counting...

What is it that keeps me going?

Maybe it's insanity? I picture myself in agony as I try to complete the Western States 100 (a 100 mile race). I can see myself exhausted from the heat and the miles, desperate to quit, but determined to finish. That's my motivation.

Maybe it's a love for the woods? I see myself solo-ing the Wonderland trail (90 miles) with a support crew (Mike, Jim, Trent...I'll be asking for help). I can feel the loneliness of the trail at 2AM and smell the misty, moonlit forest air. I see myself tripping on a root, scraping off my bloodied knee, then continuing on, only to finish a grueling run that maybe 8 or 9 people might ever know I did. That's my motivation.

Maybe it's the dream of sharing a deep connection? I envision Ethan and I getting up at 6AM for a Sunday morning run. We let the morning rain cleanse us while we drift along the trails, content in our thoughts and occasionally sharing thoughts. That's my motivation.

Whatever it takes!

Santa Barbara

Had a great time in SB visiting family. Ethan got to spend a week with Grandpa Thompson, Great Grandma, great aunts, cousins (first cousins once removed?) etc...

LOVED that the ocean is warm enough to get in!

A year in blogs

I really liked Jim's blog today. I realized what a great year it's been. Though a few things haven't gone how I'd like them too (still not running) a lot of things have been wonderful this year.

Copying Jim's format, here is the year in blogs. Interesting to see what themes I was thinking about. Jim's is more event driven (I like that he captured memories). Mine seems to be more about whatever I was focused on at the time...

Remembering Coaches
Toronto trip
Hip pain
"Running from the core"
Meeting strangers
Time with my buddies Mike and Jim (REI gear sale)
Trail running in Portland
Waiting for Ethan (when he was an 'it')
Finding out Ethan would be a boy
Running at the beach with Sarah's support
Planning for a long run (which never happened)
Running in the wilderness (favorite run ever)
Craziness with Mike and Jim late at night (soccer in the rain at 10PM)
Roy gets philosophical
Becky's a great sister-in-law
Christmas is coming!
Thinking about who I am (I'm serious and I'm silly)
Hip pain and preparing for Ethan's arrival
Hip pain and feeling Ethan move
Waiting for Ethan and hip pain
Ethan arrives (in my dream)
Ethan arrives (for real)
Pictures of Ethan
Ethan growing
Hiking with Jim
Frustration with my leg pain
Groping for answers about my leg
Enjoying watermelon lemonade with Sarah
Trying anything for my leg (fish oil, glucosamine, vitamin e, etc...)
Jim/Trent run a marathon
Ethan's first beach trip
Vacation in Sun River
Busy times at work and at home

Busy

Just noticed I haven't blogged in a month (to the day). I've thought about it many times, but I've been too busy most times and not motivated to write when I do have free time.

Since my last entry, Ethan has had a couple giggle-fits. I love those and act pretty silly trying to find what I can do to get him to giggle. He gives me a look now that says "what are you going to do to get me to laugh this time Daddy?" It's so fun getting to interact with him now.

Next week we're going on a road trip to Santa Barbara to introduce him to my dad's side of the family, so that will be a lot of fun.

I'm getting an MRI this week to see if they can find out why my leg keeps hurting and whether I can get back to running (what this blog was initially going to be about until I couldn't do it for a while)

Other things going on (lame blog I guess, but I had to find a way to keep from going over a month with nothing here...)

• House got resided and will be painted this/next week
• Duplex getting painted
• Myrna's apartments getting all kinds of work
• Ethan getting bigger by the day and learning something new each day
• Ethan in the swimming pool a few times (splashing and exploring new experiences)
• Carson and Ethan playing in the Sunday nursery
• Henry born!
• Camping with Jim
• Some golf (to the point where about 65% of my 9-hole rounds I'm under 50, the other 35% seems to be off-days where I'm all the way up around 53-56)
• Doing a stretch assignment at work which means I'm doing a different job for a while (busy times, but halfway through the 6 month stretch)
• 7th anniversary and excited for more!

Sun, Mountains, and Rivers, Oh My!

I love vacation. In about 2 hrs I'm heading to Sun River (Central Oregon) for 9 days of hiking, rafting, golfing, resting, reading, gathering, etc...

Ahhhh, Calgon, take me away.......

A few new pics

I've been chastised for not posting some new Ethan pics in a while. Here's a few fun ones!

Carson and Ethan (aka Larry and Mo) looking for trouble...
Tidepools and Bjorn drool
I love it at Oma's house! Seriously, sandals and hat. How cool am I?

Does this mean it's working?

The continuing (mini)saga of my bum left leg.

I had a great hike/run on Sunday with Jim. We went up Table Mtn on the Washington side of the Gorge. We ran about half and hiked (though at a good clip) about half. Needless to say, I am sore today.

Not sure if it was being hopped up on Naproxen (generic Aleve) or if it was the method of alternating walking and running, but my leg did pretty well. I don't mind the dull ache of soreness, it's the accute pain I have to watch out for when I run.

In the meantime, I read in the latest edition of Trail Runner magazine about the benefits of several supplements. You've likely heard of anti-oxidants which fight anything from arthritis to cancer (no sarcasm here.) They "eat" free radicals, which as I recall from my Organic Chem days are cells with an unpaired electron. The cell then keeps grabbing electrons and making a lot of other cells unstable. Bottom line: Tissue damage.

I read about a couple other supplements as well which help with tissue regeneration and joint lubrication. All this to say, Sarah good-naturedly helped me find several supplements yesterday so I could try one more thing in the battle to get my leg to heal.

One of those supplements is fish oil. Can I just say burping up the taste of fish bait all morning has not been fun! I don't like "fishy" taste to begin with, so this has been doubly disturbing for me. I just hope my fish-burps mean the supplements are working!

Watermelon Crawl

I love my wife.

The other day Sarah decided to make Watermelon Lemonade. I figured "yum" so I was all for it.

She cut up the watermelon and blended it with sugar and a few strawberries. It was at this point she realized she needed to strain the pulp out of the watermelon juice and we didn't have anything thin enough to strain it with.

Brilliantly - but not before some experimentation with the cheese grater - we decided she could use paper towels. She draped one over the pitcher and poured pureed watermelon over the towel. Then she watched and waited. Waited, waited. I stretched for a run, and she waited. Finally came the acknowledgement this was going to take a while.

I suggested a watermelon/lemon smoothie, but Sarah would have none of it. She decided she'd wring the juice through the paper towel. So one at a time, she'd place the paper towl, pour some puree on it, wring it, and go to the next towel.

After about 10 minutes I gave up trying to convince her to just make a smoothie since I could see she was determined. At about 15 minutes, with Sarah still wringing watermelon pith, with drops of juice all over the counter, and with watermelon rinds and microwaved lemons all over the kitchen, the camel's back broke, and suddenly my mind grasped the humor of the moment.

I started giggling as I stretched on the kitchen floor. Sarah started giggling and suddenly a frustrating experience was a memory. I love my little "Martita".

Oh, and the lemonade was great! Should be a fun summer treat if I buy her a citrus juicer and a small strainer!

My left stilt

For a long time now I've had a recurring dream once every few months. I am either running or walking and every time I step with my left leg it is about a foot longer than my right leg. In the dream this causes me to walk with an exaggerated, strange limp. I lift up high on my left leg as though I were stepping up on a stilt, and nearly pause at the top. Then I crash down on my right leg and keep going. It's a bit like a square tire might make a car look. Lift, thump, lift, thump, lift, thump...

I finally decided to get myself checked out by an orthopedic specialist since I've had so many problems in my left leg (which I thought were caused by my hamstrings and/or IT band). Turns out my left leg might be about 1/4 inch longer than my right. Now it's on to more specialists.

The orthopedic sent me to the orthotics guy, he'll send me to a PT, and back to the orthopedic to reasess. We'll try orthotics and PT, and if that doesn't help it's on to MRI's and injections of isotopes to see what's going on in there.

As annoying as it is to play the bureaucratic insurance/referral game, I'm still relieved that I haven't heard anyone utter the words "you should stop running" and I feel like I may have finally begun my journey to recovery.

Anything has to be better to the 24 hour a day pain I have had in my leg for most of the last 6 months.

IT = Stupid

IT bands (or whatever it is that feels like rotting acid in my leg) are really stupid.

Jeremy Riddle is really cool.

Someday I pray my leg will heal (8 months and still counting) and I will be running in the wilderness early in the morning, topping out on a ridge with the sun coming up. Jeremy Riddle's "At the cross" will come up on my Mp3 player and I will stop to enjoy the moment.

I'm having serious doubts this will happen though...

The opposite of Funless

Saturday Jim and I took what was one of the least funless hikes I've ever had. (Jen/Mike, before you get all booky on me, Jim and I decided it's a word and I opted for the double negative intentionally.)

We drove down to the Bull of the Woods wilderness around the Sawmill Falls area where I like to go fairly often.

We drove to the Henline Mtn trailhead where it had just snowed the night before. The trees were dusting us with their dropping snow as we grabbed a few things out of the car. We laughed a little as bits of snow fell down the other guy's neck.

About a half hour into the hike we got to a viewpoint and decided to stash our snowshoes. We'd carried them to that point, and with the snow only a few inches deep we decided to leave them. Should have known that would be a foreshadowing. Sure enough, 10 minutes later and we were taking turns leading the way. Fortunately there wasn't much of a crust layer of snow. It was mostly powder so the "assumption flex" never came too much into play.

We followed the trail pretty well for quite a while, chatting and enjoying the beautiful scenery. There aren't many things as wonderful as a fir/pine forest freshly painted white with snow. Apparently we enjoyed the scenery too much, as we eventually couldn't decide if we were still on the trail or not. That'll happen when there are 3 feet of snow covering the ground.

We started picking our own route up the mtn. Something happened along the way, and the day became less about getting to the top of Henline mtn and more about two boys playing in the woods. We definitely became just that...a couple 28 year old boys.

We came out of the trees, spotted a ridgeline and decided we should attempt to "purchase" it.
Problem: when you attempt to climb straight up an exposed face of a steep ridge with 5 ft deep snow, and no snowshoes, it can be quite difficult.
Solution: Laugh yourself silly by watching your hiking buddy look foolish trying to gain a couple inches up the hill with each step.

The only effective method we found was to lift your foot as high as possible, so it was lined up in front of your chest. Follow that motion by beginning to place your weight on the uphill foot, and it will sink and slide in the snow until it is 3 to 8 inches higher than the downhill foot. At that point you will likely have enough packed snow to step up and repeat with the other foot.

For about an hour or so we comically pieced our way up various pieces of the ridge. Each time we'd reach a sheer rock wall, the foot lift method would fail (since the face was vertical so the snow couldn't pack down on it), opt for the next runout over, try it again, and get stopped. At one point, I think I mentioned to Jim this was the most futile hike I'd ever been involved in.

Funny thing is at that same moment I realized it was also one of the least funless (as mentioned before). It was in the middle of getting nowehere that we realized we didn't care. We were having too much fun. So we decided to slide back down the ridge, and stop for a quick lunch.

After lunch the fun began again. First we still had plenty of work to do to get off the ridge face we were on. Jim didn't make it any easier when he pushed me backwards and I had to catch myself. Again, since we were in little boy mode, I found the whole thing hilarious and vowed to get him back (his day will come).

We hiked off the ridge face, but not before sinking in to my chest once or twice. When we got back to the trail, we decided it was too soon and too fun to go back, so we went on to the other side of the ridge hoping to find the way up Henline mtn.

Once again we got to a dead end. This time it was a steep rock wall (not vertical) with a couple saplings and again, plenty of snow. We decided to attempt to climb it. We had a little more success, grabbing the saplings and picking our way up. We got to the top of a pile of rock, saw that we were not close to the top of Henline mtn, enjoyed the view, and headed back down.

By the time we reached the car the snow at the trailhead had melted. All in all, the hike was perfectly timed. We didn't reach any of our intended goals and it was perfect.

Already growing.

So our little giant is already getting bigger. At his 2 week checkup he'd already gained almost a pound, and had gained .75 inches (I doubt that, I'm thinking the hospital shortchanged his height measurement). As of last Thurs he was 10 lbs 8 oz, and 22.5 inches long. Both are in the 97th percentile! Ridiculous!!

Sleeping soundly...

Too Cool for school

Best nap ever...

Deep love

He's too cute...I'm hooked!

Ethan David #2

see previous post for more...

Just relaxing
Happy boy
Mama relaxes me
I'm going home!

Ethan David Thompson has joined the family!

A few notes, and then some pictures!

Ethan David Thompson joined us after Sarah went through a pretty successful labor. The problem came when she pushed for 3 hours and he wasn't budging.

It turned out that he was facing the sky (the nose is supposed to point the other way). This meant his 15 inch head wasn't going to make it the "normal" way (you read that right...14 inches is considered large already).

So Ethan David joined us via c-section, and it turned out he was 10 lbs 1 oz!! Whoah! Very surprising! The doctor had guessed he'd be 8 lbs.

Here are some pictures...

Showing him to Sarah for the first time...

getting measured and weighed (21.75 inches, 15 inch head, 10 lbs 1 oz). What a chub!

Kissing Mama for the first time

meeting Oma.

who's your daddy?

Still no baby in real life, but he almost came in my dreams

Well, little baby-T still hasn't joined us. We are now officially at DD+1 (due date +1).

Last night I rolled over and looked at the clock and it said 4:02AM. I must have only half fallen asleep right after that, and had one of those half-dream, half-awake incrediby vivid dreams. The ones where you don't realize you're even dreaming until a few moments after you wake up.

In the dream I had fallen asleep just after 4AM with my hand on Sarah's stomach. All of a sudden her stomach poked out really far because she was having a huge contraction. Her stomach itself was contorting, which now that I'm awake seems obviously exaggerated.

Still in the dream, Sarah was saying "ow, ow, ow" through her teeth. My brain kicked into gear, and without thinking, I reminded her to focus on her breathing, and we started counting the breaths as I helped her unclinch her fists and relax her shoulders. I noticed that I was so tired that I couldn't open my eyes. I just kept counting her through her breaths with my eyes closed, and that's when I realized, I couldn't open my eyes because I was asleep and dreaming.

Back in reality, I rolled over and thought "nuts, he's not coming yet." I had been so excited to finally meet my little friend, my son. Just have to wait a little bit longer, but I know it will be more than worth the wait!

No baby / No running

No baby yet. He's making all the "alien in the belly" movements, but apparently our little guy isn't quite ready to see the outside world. Soon, very soon!

Also no running to speak of. My left leg just isn't cooperating, between my hamstring and my IT band, it's a no go, so this week it's more swimming, biking, lifting, and icing for me.

miscellaneous

Well our little man is coming any day now. Last night I was pushing on Sarah's belly and could feel his little feet (I think). It's so fun that I can talk to him and push at him and he'll start moving around. Can't wait until I get to interact with him on the "outside"!

Ran yesterday and it's now been 4 or 5 runs in a row with no pain in my knee. Still going very short mileage, but I'm slowly getting encouraged. I still hope to get out on the trails again to do some 20-40 milers by late summer/early fall. I like running at night with the reflective vest and the little arm light I have. There's something mysterious to it and it's a nice feeling knowing there aren't many others willing to do what you're doing.

We're mostly moved into the new house. Haven't put up any picture frames yet, so things are a little stark, but I'm loving the place. It fits us well and feels like our home already. No buyers' remorse here!

For those of you wondering what our son's name will be, here's a hint: It's Samuel, Tyler or Ethan. Thought I'd give it away didn't you!

Chores vs Trail Running

I was just reading an old post of mine about one of my most memorable runs. Right now I can only run a few days a week (and only 4 miles at a time), but I'm slowly on the comeback. At least I'm running at all!

I just keep thinking about being able to have the freedom to drive to the woods and spend a day running on the trails, letting them wash away any tension and stress.

My mind is drifting there since I've got a laundry list of chores right now. We've got a baby coming in less than 4 weeks (whoah!). That has given me a large list of to-do's on it's own, but then we're moving to a new house next week, we're trying to get new tenants to backfill when we move out of the duplex, and on it goes.

When the thoughts start getting overwhelming I close my eyes, and picture myself running on the trails. Just have to keep praying that my injuries stay away!

In the meantime, I better stop writing and call some pediatricians to see if we can add our coming son to their patient list...